What If
by eMmerzx3
Summary: OTH One Parter told in Peyton's point of view. It takes place after the episode, Over the Hills and Far Away. [LP] Rated T just to be safe.


**Alright, while fanfiction was down, I decided to write a quick one-parter. I know Wednesday's episode is supposed to be GOOD for us LP fans, but you never know. So, I thought I'd save myself the disappointment and write my own version. It takes place right after last week's episode, right after Peyton confesses her feelings about Lucas to Brooke. It's told in Peyton's point of view, and there are also a LOT of flashbacks. Like all my other fanfics, _flashbacks are shown in italics._ The flashbacks are also in Peyton's POV. Hope you enjoy!**

** Love, Emily.

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"Peyton!"

I walked faster, wanting nothing more than to just run back to whom was calling me; Lucas. Wanting nothing more than to just be able to pretend how I felt could actually work in some alternate reality. It couldn't, it wouldn't. I was too late, and once again, I was alone. Being late and alone came together in my life. I couldn't have one without the other.

"Peyton!" He shouted my name again, as if the fourteen other repetitive times of myself ignoring him weren't enough of a clue.

I hurried toward my car, conveniently, to my dismay, parked at the opposite side of the parking lot. My hands rustled through my purse, searching for my keys, hoping Lucas wouldn't catch up too quickly. But ironically, at the same time, I was hoping he would catch me before I was able to get into my car. Part of me wanted him to pull my attention back toward him, selfishly. Part of me wanted to have his attention.

My selfishness won me over.

"Peyton, what the hell was that?" He shut my car door quickly before I even opened it to its full extent. I kept my back turned toward him until his grip on my shoulders changed that aspect. His eyes weren't mad, upset, just confused, a reflection of mine in an eerie way.

"It's nothing, Lucas, just forget it, okay?" Lie. It was with words like those that made me wonder if I had any control whatsoever of anything that left my mouth. His shoulders dropped simultaneously with the expression on his face, already seeing through the bluster I spat out at him. It was a game the two of us played, courtesy of myself, and Lucas had mastered it immediately.

"Oh is that why you weren't turning around while I called you for about thirty times?" His arms crossed loosely across his chest, and it was then that I realized how crisp the wind actually was. "Or is that why you're running out on a celebration of two friends that you love earlier than anyone else?" I was silent, wanting so badly to tell him the reason I couldn't stay at TRIC any longer. Too bad he already knew, "But it'd make sense if you left for the fact you just had a small fall-out with Brooke," I turned to stare at him, "wouldn't it?"

"How'd yo-How'd you know-"

"I was standing right on the other side of the curtain, Peyton." _Oh God._ "I was looking around for Brooke, and I saw you two talking. I didn't want to just barge in and interrupt."

"_Brooke…" Dried tears were still plastered against my cheeks, new ones falling over them. "I think I still have feelings for Lucas…" _

"_You mean like, you care about him?"_

"_No…" My eyes met hers, "more than that."_

"So you thought you'd just stand there listening to what we-, I was saying?" I looked at him with disbelief. "It's called walking away, Lucas and finding somewhere else to wait around."

"So you figured you'd just tell Brooke how you felt, and leave me to figure it all out on my own? Hell, or even not figure it out at all." I hated when he did that, answered my unanswerable questions with more answerless questions. "Because honestly, Peyton, the only answer I have for you is that I'm confused as hell."

"You've known how I felt about you, Lucas! I told you, and not one word left your mouth afterwards." My voice was raising quite loudly, and it would just make this night even more amusing to attract an audience of people we see at school every weekday. "Why would I put myself out there again when you'll play it off with another 'I'm completely in love with Brooke,' scenario?"

"_But there's this girl, you might know her," I could sense the sarcasm in his tone, "Her name's Brooke Davis, and I am completely in love with her." Crush._

"You didn't even want to talk about it when I confronted you in the library during that party!"

"You made it sound like a joke, Lucas! God, you couldn't even take one word I said seriously!" It amazed me that we were having this conversation in the middle of a former warehouse's parking lot in the middle of the night.

"Then why did you tell me you were happy to hear me say that I loved Brooke?" All we were doing was blaming one another instead of owning up. "If you want to point fingers at someone, don't act like this is completely on me."

"You think this is what I want? To get between you and Brooke?" A small, sarcastic chuckle escaped my lips.

"It sure seems like it after what you just told her!"

"You weren't even supposed to hear what I told her tonight, Lucas! And you wouldn't have if you had minded your own business." My hands raised toward the top of my head in frustration and ran through my hair quickly.

"Why, Peyt, why wasn't I supposed to know what you told her? Why can't I know that you still have feelings for me?" His voice was strong, yet calmer than it had been from comments before.

"Because I know that what I say isn't going to make a difference in your relationship with her! You're still in love with her, Lucas, I get that, okay?" I didn't want to start crying again, but the tears were burning against my eyelids. "I can't keep hearing from her how in love with you she is, so I told her because I knew she'd stop talking about it."

"Why wouldn't it make a difference?"

"Did we not just go over what happened that day in the library?" He kept quiet, for the first time tonight, he had no remark to her own. "I'm not going to put myself out there again like I did last year."

"You mean after we stopped seeing each other? It was you who ended that Peyton, not me." His voice was back to its strength. "It was you who broke it off between us, it was you who wanted to."

"I didn't want to do anything, Lucas, except be with you!" Tears slipped out of my eyes as I looked into his own. "I wasn't ready to lose Brooke as a friend, and the only way that wouldn't have happened was if I stopped seeing you as anything more than just a friend."

"_Lucas, Brooke and I have been best friends since elementary school. We've always put our friendship before guys." I stopped talking briefly, looking down to play with the zipper on his jacket. "Do you really think I'd risk losing my best friend over a fling? Cause I wouldn't do that." My voice got soft, almost innocent._

_A smile tugged along his lips as he took a breath, "Okay. Look I don't want to hurt Brooke. And I don't want to come between the two of you." Another pause. I looked up toward his face just as he began speaking again, "But, I have to be with you."_

"If you wanted to be with me, you could've." He placed his hands on my shoulders before wiping single tears off my cheeks.

"You know it's not that easy…"

"Then you could've after you and Brooke fixed your friendship."

"Oh you mean during the two months we didn't speak a single word to each other, or wait, the time you were pining after Brooke already?" I didn't mean for it to come off sarcastically, but it did.

"_You miss Jake, huh?" I turned to the picture he was holding in his hands, then to his face, staring at him in almost disbelief. _

"_You should go…" I stood up, red eyes, a frustrated frown across my face and walked toward my closet._

"_Peyton!-"_

"_No," I struggled for my words, "Yo-Okay. You can't just walk in here and ask me something like that!" I looked at his face for any kind of answer. "When was the last time we even had a conversation about something real?"_

"_I just thought you could use a friend," His voice was soft, yet defensive at the same time._

"_Yeah, I could use a friend, you know, but you," I pointed to him, "don't qualify as that anymore, Lucas because a real friend would know about all the crap I've been dealing with lately."_

"I didn't see it as an option of dating you anymore, Pey! God, I saw that picture, in your room that day, of Jake. The only picture that involved me was the one where all three of us are shooting at my heart. Can you seriously be looking me dead in the eyes right now and lie, saying that I could've tried to get your heart back? After like you said, we hadn't talked in two months?" He was getting frustrated as well, but not as much as I already was. My heart beat, seeming to pound out of my chest.

"So you turn to Brooke!"

"I realized I couldn't help you, Peyton, you had already pushed me away, so I called Jake because I knew he could. I couldn't watch you fall in love with him, Pey, I wasn't going to. I turned to Brooke, not knowing I could fall in love with her, but I did. It wasn't something I did just because I knew I couldn't date you. It was something I did without realization." I watched his every expression on his face. "Do you know how long it took for me to even attempt getting over the hold you had on me?"

I remained silent, unsure what to say.

"I still haven't." He emphasized the word, still, sending chills down my spine in the only way he could.

"Lucas…" I stepped toward him, as closely as I could, "What if you and Brooke weren't dating?"

**The End.**


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